JOKE #1: A man is spending his first day in prison and is about to go to bed. Right before he falls asleep, he hears a shuffle and all of the Prisoners are awake and shuffling to the edge of their cell.
One man shouts "I'll go first. 6821!" And everyone laughs.
Another man shouts "Me next! 1320!" And the prisoners are laughing hysterically.
The man, now confused, gets up and walks over to his cellmate.
"Hey man. Why is everyone shouting random numbers and why do people laugh after a number is called?"
His cellmate then responds with "We are telling jokes. We do it every night. There is a book of 9999 jokes that this prison has. Everyone has read the book and memorized it. Instead of retelling the entire joke over again, we just shout out the Joke number. It's easier and we all know what each other are talking about."
The man loved this idea. He was excited to get his hands on this book. The next morning, he strolled on down to the library and took out the book. He spent the entire day reading all 9999 jokes and picking out his favorites.
Night time rolled around and once the guards left, the prisoners all got up and walked to the edge of their cell.
The first prisoner shouted "8231" and was followed by laughs.
The next prisoner followed it up by shouting "3315" which was caused the prison to burst out into laughter.
The man was now feeling ready. He then shouted "4712". The entire prison went silent.
The man was feeling upset and turned to his cellmate and asked "What's wrong? I read the entire joke book, picked out a funny one and no one laughed. What did I do wrong?" The cellmate responded with:
"Some people just don't know how to tell jokes."
JOKE #2: A teacher hands out Jolly Ranchers to her kindergarten class. And she decides to make a game out of it. "We'll all eat the candy at the same time, and whoever guesses what flavor it is first wins a prize!" They all try the first Jolly Rancher. "Grape!" shouts little Suzy, and she wins a prize. The second Jolly Rancher takes them a bit more thinking, but eventually little Johnny figures it out: "Raspberry!", and he wins a prize. The third Jolly Rancher stumps the entire class: it's honey, a new Jolly Rancher flavor. The teacher watches them all suck away, thinking what it could be. She decides to give them a hint: "It's something your parents call each other," she suggests. Suddenly, little Timmy spits his out in disgust. "Don't swallow it guys!" he shouts in terror. "It's a$*hole!!"