Stoopid Criminals File 3-29-18

posted by Mark Manuel - 

Don't Steal A Car If You Can't Drive Stick: Bonita Springs pizza delivery driver Isaac Javier Ortez got more than he bargained for on a recent delivery. When he got to the front door, the homeowners said they didn’t order any pizza...and that's about the time that he turned around to see 13-year-old Miguel Garcia and 14-year-old Rojelio Sebastianattempting to steal his car. Good thing for Ortez, the boys had no idea how to drive stick shift, so left the car in neutral and jumped out and fled on foot. Ortez’s boss has ordered him to lock his car doors from now on when delivering and Garcia and Sebastian face grand theft auto charges.

Woman Charged After Giving Birth To Her Brother’s Kid: A Florida woman has been arrested after giving birth to her brother’s child. Apparently, Pauline Elizabeth Martin and her brother have been together for some time (dating for five, shacked up for three)...and she got knocked up. Trouble began when the child was born with severe medical issues and the parents refused to provide their info for the child’s birth certificate. Cops got involved and Martin says she plans to end the relationship with her brother "because she knows it's wrong." They reportedly last had sex March 21st. Martin stands charged with incest and resisting without violence.

Fake Cop Flees Real Police, Crashes Into Patrol Car: Orlando police have arrested a man for impersonating a police officer. They say they spotted Albert Michael Dolan in his black Dodge Charger with red and blue flashing lights. Dolan then pulled the vehicle over where police mistook him for law enforcement. An Orlando police officer thought he was having trouble so he went over to the Charger, but after speaking with Dolan, he noticed a strong smell of alcohol and saw a pilsner glass with a drink in it inside the vehicle. When police asked Dolan to do a breathalyzer he refused and began to drive away on the opposite side of the road. He was driving slow enough for the officer to catch up with him and cut in front of Dolan who subsequently crashed into his car. After a brief struggle with police that involved a Taser, the police were able to arrest Dolan for impersonating law enforcement. This is not the first time Dolan has done so.

Mark Manuel

Mark Manuel

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